Saturday, March 30, 2013

What now?

Joy was my first child. At the age of 35, I was cautious in my pregnancy. I quit my job to make sure that my pregnancy would not be jeopardized by the continuous lifting that was required of me. We moved to my hometown so that we could have her around my family, cashed in all of our savings and headed east. Then on that warm day in November, our whole lives changed. The dream that we had was shattered. No one had any answers for us. There was no reason why. No reason why this happened to two people so completely in love that had never done anything to deserve this. No reason why life was taken from such a precious child that would have been loved and cared for. No reason.

We are trying to go on with life like before, but it will never be as it was before.  Now we find it hard to even go outside. There is no happiness left for us. As we wander this world looking for where we belong, our days are riddle with angst. Only leaving the hotel room we are in for just a bit, just trying to be "normal". Then our emotions take over and we are forced back into the darkness. What are we to do? How do we go on without our daughter?

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