I miss you

I can't stop thinking about you. All day long, every day. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought of you. I miss you so much. I still don't understand why, I guess I never will. There is a hole inside of me that I cannot fill. I try to be happy. I laugh, I joke, but still the laughter is not the same as before. I know I need to try to be happy again, and I am baby. Your Daddy and I moved to Colorado Springs. It is beautiful here, I wish you were with us. I wish I was holding you now. If I did something wrong, I am so sorry. So very sorry. I tried to be a good mother for you. I wanted you so much. What I would give to have you in my arms. On your three month date, I could not get out of bed. I cried all day longing for you. I miss you. When you were born, you were so beautiful. You looked just like me when I was a baby. I look at your picture all the time. It hurts so much to see you sleeping, knowing you will never wake up. I am so lost. Why aren't you here with me? Why? I hate it.  I want you here. I want to hear your cries. I want to hold you and hear your giggles. Will I ever be okay? I doubt it. I love you so much Joy Marie, I am so sad without you.